You have a sugar daddy who is not ready to take you as a wife and is not willing to let you go. Suitors are coming and you are busy enjoying the wealth and affluence. You look at them as small boys who shouldn't come anywhere close to you. Your sugar daddy is by the corner asking why you want to get married. He has even promised to make you a "bigger" babe. You agree with him and now you believe you don't need the marriage of a thing. I put it to you that you are one of the most foolish people on earth even when you believe you are smart. One day, you shall wake up to know that you missed one of the most beautiful things in life.

Your sugar daddy who is telling you not to bother about marriage is married and has children. He has given you so much money that you feel on top of the world. He can only be with you for as long as your body is fresh. Give yourself some years and he is gone in search of a younger blood. Give yourself five years and compare your photos. You will realize what you've done to yourself by the time age comes knocking. And if you choose not to be married, don't go out there making it look like you don't need a man; don't go all over sowing seeds of bitterness in other's relationships; don't remain single because some selfish man thinks you should stay for him, let it be your choice.

Sugar Daddy is not the only one singing those tunes in your ears; some frustrated demonic agents on social media are gradually leading you to hell and misery with their updates that are devil inspired. They make you believe you don't need a man if you are successful. To them, it's about career and good money. You watch some society women and celebrities live like they don't need a man. I won't believe any woman who tells me she doesn't need a man. It's two things: either she is afraid to have a real man to call a husband because she knows she cannot handle him or she simply can't have a man. And mind you; many of them now need fellow women more than they need men. Some of them are married, but because they are frustrated and messed up in their marriage, they don't want you to experience the beauty in your own marriage. As long as you listen to them, you will not experience true happiness that God wants you to experience.

 What they should tell you is that they don't want a real man; they have boys who warm their beds for material gain. And I hope you know what is in vogue for them-doing all kinds of fetish and demonic things for influence, wealth, and power. Since they are your role models, please get ready to do it their way. But have it at the back of your mind that every Satan's gift has an expiry date and when it comes, it's with tears.

 If you continue the way you live now, you will join the league of women who pay boys to warm their bed instead of having a real man to proudly call your own.
Be wise! We need men as much as they need us. Nature can't be wrong.

Common Sense in Marriage and Relationship

 Common Sense Tips in Marriages/Relationships

🔹When funds dwindle or financial capacity is weak, family planning should be adopted and child bearing should be stopped. 

Why? Children are blessings from the Lord. Blessings with huge financial implications. Simply put, raising children will cost you a hand and a leg. You don't bring them into the world when you don't have the capacity to give them your best. 

🔹When abuse becomes inevitable , quitting should become a necessity. 

Why? The moment you set out to forgive and tolerate abuse or abusive tendencies, you create a new environment that endorses, enforces, and enables abuse. Simply put, forgiveness doesn't stop an abuser from abusing, instead it enables an abuser to abuse his or her victim knowing that there's no consequences for his/her actions. 

🔹Red flags don't get better with tolerance. 

Why? Red flags are simply those attributes or traits that trigger your brain  into emotional or psychological distress. They're your brains support mechanism designed to protect you or prevent you from going into depression, anxiety, or emotional/psychological breakdown. The moment you ignore them or tolerate them, you create a suppression mechanism that may never stand the test of time. Because what you can't cope with doesn't get better with time. 

🔹If you don't have the mental, emotional, and financial capacity to lead a married life, don't get married. 

Why? Promises do fail. Plans do change. Intentions do crumble . Humans do evolve. You don't walk into marriage with the hope of eternal life and happily ever after. You plan, prepare, and negotiate your way into a healthy and sane marriage. With adequate preparation, you are one step ahead of any challenges a marriage may bring your way. And when things don't work as expected, you are not left stranded or hopeless. 

🔹When you find yourself in a relationship/marital mess, cut your losses as soon as possible. 

Why? Forgiveness is a good virtue, not like we have any alternative. But forgiveness without strategic projection is foolishness. If he's irresponsible, stop popping babies. If she's abusive, stop popping babies.If both parties can't lead a healthy and sane marriage, stop popping babies. If your marriage is run by pastors and relatives, please stop popping babies. More babies in a dysfunctional marriage will only make things more complex. 

🔹What actions can't prove, your brain shouldn't hold unto them.

Why? Words are cheap. Cheaper than your life. Cheaper than your emotion. Anyone can make promises and speak eloquently, but only through actions are words established. Words become flesh through actions Promises come alive through actions. If it was not lived, it shouldn't be written nor held unto. 

🔹Promises made during a pleasure ride is only as valid as the orgasm lasts. 

Why? During a pleasure ride, all that matters is orgasm. Every other thing is secondary. That's how the brain was wired to work. Now you know. If you want to have an objective discussion/negotiation with your partner, it shouldn't be done with a glass of alcohol nor during coitus, in your best interest that is. 

... But there's a problem, those in love rarely have an objective sense of reasoning because the desire to make the best of the relationship/marriage overwhelms the cognitive capacity of making objective decisions at critical stages/moments in their relationship/marriage. 

Madam and Maid

 You needed a maid and instead of hiring an adult who needs that as a paid job, you settled for a helpless girl from that rural community. Her parents were excited to see their precious daughter leave the wretched place she has always known. Little did they know that they were sending her away into modern day slavery. 

What about the naive poor girl? She cannot wait to get to the city and live her dream life. Does she know its going to be hell? Obviously not. Well, madam thinks that the hell she is walking into is still better than the heaven she has been in. The mansion is beautiful and air-conditioned. She gets to sleep with electricity and some cool air. 

Upon getting home, she is made to feel loved and wanted. She went to bed happy and optimistic of the many beautiful things to come. It all ends the next morning. Now, the poor girl has to eat only leftover food. Madam has different pots and plates for her children. Their food is cooked with good meat and condiments while the girl eats whatever she sees. She is made to work from morning till her bed time which is often very late at night. If she is privileged to be sent to a public school nearby, she must never engage in anything extracurricular. Where is the time? She barely has time for school homework. 

Does she have an option? No; her widowed mom cannot even afford the crumbs you give her and so she has to be grateful. Even though she is twelve, she does “oga’s’ laundry, plus madam’s underwear. She has to walk to the market. The better heaven she envisioned has suddenly become her hell. 

Your children steal from you and no, it must be the help who is from a poor background. She is beaten, starved, and denied education. She becomes the hot topic whenever madam gathers with her evil friends who encourage her to do worse. 

Your children who are older than or same age as the poor girl are in school, but her portion in life is to wake up and make sure that your children’s school clothes are ironed and table is set for breakfast after which she cleans up. You are actually destroying your own children. They will end up depending on you all through life; no parent prays fo such. 

In church, madam is the chief deaconess, possibly pastor’s wife. She is known for lifting holy hands and speaking the best mechanical tongue. She is an epitome of a godly woman; in church only. It’s Sunday morning and her children are all dressed up and beautiful. The poor little girl babysitting them is wearing a rag. Her hair is an eyesore. Madam is also gorgeously dressed in her designer wears. All eyes have to be on her. You did it! All eyes were on you! 

Hear this: Your righteousness is no different than those of the Pharisees. You are nothing but a “painted sepulcher”. The heart of God bleeds because of you. You are yet to know and truly experience the love of Christ which is the only thing that can change you. 

All of a sudden, your husband is all over the girl. She is daily abused by the beast you are married to. Her only offense is that she is helpless in your home. She cannot even reach her parents. Madam’s anger in unleashed on an innocent soul that is crying for help. Ma’am, she is not your problem. Your reckless and useless husband is. Talk to him to change his ways. There are maids who wear very skimpy things around the house and there is no problem in the home because the man is highly principled. Stop torturing the girl. Stop making her wear rags with her hair completely shaved off. Your husband lacks self-control; that is the problem. The screws in his head need some tightening. Stop terrorizing the poor maid.

I know your own children were in the womb for 40 weeks unlike the helpless girl who fell from a tree, but I want you to remember the words of Dame Patience Goodluck, “...there is Godoooo. He is watching and you will someday eat the fruits of your wickedness. 

Have a change of mind. Take good care of the poor girl or better still send her back to her parents and go hire an adult who should be paid. Outward righteousness is nothing before God. You cannot treat the poor unfairly and claim to be a child of God. 

Relax, Let God Be God

If you pray and fast for something that you think you should have and you don't still get, despite praying and fasting with tears, all you need to do is stop praying and wait upon the Lord.

God doesn't need your prayers and fasting to give to you. Giving to you is part of the grand  design for your life He is working to bring into display. You didn't tell him how to make you. He made you the way you discovered you are.

Many of you that have prayed and fasted and gone to all kinds of prayer mountains, and sowed numerous kinds of seeds, still end up not getting anything but ulcers, bankruptcy, and ill treatments of all kinds from the same spiritual directors you have been giving loads of money and attention to. Many of you veer off into the dark lane and dabble into occultism without knowing it.

Have you for instance wondered about the mentally challenged women hanging along our streets? Many of them have not lived in a house for years. Yet they take in and give birth after being sexually molested by those men that don't care about their condition.

They don't pray or fast to take in. All through the time they are pregnant, they feed from refuse heaps and drink from gutters. No antenatal, no folic acid, and they don't go for any kind of medical check up. No proper care whatsoever. Many of them don't eat anything for days. Yet they give birth to healthy and beautiful babies on the refuse heaps. Will you say that God wasn't involved every step of the way?

I have come to realize that God works more effectively in situations where people show little or no care about those things they usually worry about.

I don't know why you are beating and tearing yourself up for not having a single man proposing to you and you are in your 30s and 40s or not having a child to call your own despite the efforts you have made. What are you afraid of? That you might end up old and unmarried, without kids to care for you? God sees those fears and knows they are real. But he has assured you that everything you have need for has already been provided and will get to you at His appointed time.

He refered you to the birds, grasses and lilies and asked you to study them and see for yourself that though they toil not, they are there from ages to ages being provided for by their Maker. He then tells you that you are of greater value to Him than those birds and grasses.

So do as He said. Worry not. If you are sure you have sought the kingdom of God and its righteousness, definitely every other thing will be added unto you, without fail.
I love you

Married or Single?

My Dear Brothers,

I decided to say this today because it’s getting out of hand, especially among Nigerian men. I know you won’t like me for this, but it’s okay; I’m used to not being liked...LOL. 

It is 100% wrong, unacceptable, and demeaning to your partner in marriage or in a relationship for you to flirt with every woman you see. Watch your actions on social media. Watch the kind of comments you throw out on pictures of other women. Watch the kind of chats you engage in via WhatsApp and co. Watch the way you stray into their inbox with the compliments. Some of the foolish girls even send you their nude pictures and all that. What do you think their intentions are? 

Watch! Watch! Watch! 

Man or woman, there is a limit to freedom once you become married or in a serious relationship. Yes, you don’t have to lose your individuality, but you will definitely lose some of it. You cannot be married and keep living single. You are either married or single, except you and your wife agreed to an open relationship. Don’t tell me you do nothing with them; you are doing everything with them and publicly disrespecting your spouse. I know what this does to a woman because I was once there and I am happy I took myself out of the mess. It turns a woman to a laughing stock among her peers. Don’t you have the word ‘shameful’ in your dictionary? 

Change your ways!

Show some respect to your woman! 

Be married or stay single!

Marrying a Liability?

The popular slogan in town is that no man wants to marry a liability; that’s okay. I also agree that a man shouldn't marry a liability. Now today's woman understands that she ought not go into marriage empty handed as she might indeed be a liability both to the man and to herself.

But then, a good number of my fellow women miss a mark at this point. They are preparing not to be a man's liability, without taking into account what some men mean when they say they don't want to marry a liability. We have so many lazy men. Majority of them are boaters. They don't have as much as they claim they do. They are smart and know the hard working ladies. They scoop them off their feet and bath them with heavy romance. With the little they have, they do wonderful things for you.

They take you out, buy you expensive gifts and give you a treat of a life time. They give you the impression they are doing well in career or business, but things just suddenly began to get awful. Sooner or later, they begin to milk you. They will get you to fund their business. Get you to rent and fix their apartments. Before you know it, you are buying property in their name. Some will end up marrying you, but it's all because of your asset. Infact, you will even gladly contribute heavily towards funding your marriage ceremony, after all, its your marriage too.

Without knowing it, you that doesn't want to be the liability; you that is working your life dry just to be financially independent, has actually married a liability, who is partially or totally dependent on you. After marriage, you begin to pay the bills and still enable him with a suatainance budget.

Don't be any man's liability and don't allow any man be your liability too. Be financially independent and be sure you are also marrying a financially dependent man. Never forget: He is the provider, you are his helpmate. 

Should I Marry a Divorced Man?

Goodmorning ma, you have always been known for your good advice, God reward you. Please hide my id..
Sometime in 2017,my pastor told me to pray that God should cancel whatever that keeps making Divorcees come my way and pray for my original man to locate me, i always pray about it till date but the men always coming my way till date are divorcees. I am 28yrs and i want a man who hasn't been married before... Sometimes my family will even want me to go on with them, but i know what i want from God, some say its my Destiny (I reject it) In as much as i am not in a hurry about Marriage cos i don't want to mistskes as an only daughter, pray for me for i know you have the grace that my original man will locate me soon that will love me and we will serve God together and grow old together too..i will come Back to Testify, God bless you woman of God.

Dear sender, the implication for desiring a man that has never been married before, is that you just have to keep waiting for him till he comes. There is nothing wrong about building one's focus on a particular goal till it is achieved. But sometimes it is good to evaluate some beliefs we have about issues of life, expecially if it persists. Albeit, have you asked yourself, "what if what I am waiting for never comes and it becomes too late to make do with alternatives?" In other words what if you keep waiting for an ideal single man, till you have aged sorely?

What if the single men that show up are not as ideal as you want a husband to be? Will you still prefer such one because they are single? The implication of that is that you may marry an unideal single and later in life be a divorcee yourself. These things happen. Sometimes it's not everything we want to have that we eventually get. Somehow the Maker brings what we want in another form and not the way we desired it. For example... If you ask me, I will tell you that I think the actual thing you want from God is a wonderful husband! Both good husbands and wives come in many versions. Some come as singles. Some come as widowers/widows. Some come as divorced people. Some come as singles with children.

Divorce is not a behavioural trait. It's an experience. The virtual thing is that divorcées are people who once married as singles. Some of them made mistakes and became divorcees. Some of them tried to keep their marriages, but circumstances beyond their control just happened and they had to let go. Things just happen. So whether the person is divorced, widowed, single, etc, God can make a great husband out of such a person. As there are suitable and unsuitable singles, that's how there are suitable and unsuitable divorcees. Now it is either you keep waiting for a single man to come since you are not in a hurry to marry as you said, or you start thinking twice about your prospects. Maybe the will of God for you may have a face other than the one you know.

How to Destroy Him

Do you want to destroy your husband? Let me show you the easiest way
- Keep reminding him that other men are better than him.You wake up every morning and all he hears is how bad a husband he is. He lost his job and because of your short memory, you have forgotten en how good it used to be. Now, the man can't even see himself rising out of the pit that you have assisted the devil to keep him in.
- Avoid Sex with him

Sex matters a lot and many husbands are dying on the inside, wishing their wives understood how much it really does matter. Due to long period of hurt from our husbands, we oftentimes allow anger to build up in our hearts thereby hindering us from enjoying sex with our man. There is still a Balm in Gilead, He will soothe every pain. You May like to read https://www.amaraofficial.com/2016/12/sexual-intimacy-in-marriage.html?m=1

- Become unrealistic with your demands

This has destroyed so many homes. Women, with their clear eyes, have brought down their homes. Iyabo's husband can afford the 350k lace and so you are not ready to accept anything less from your husband because Iyabo must not beat you to it. Ngozi’s  husband just bought her a new car and so your own husband must not sleep until he gets it for you. You are ready to sleep with anything  just to belong. Don’t intensify financial instability in your marriage by desiring things that are not realistic for your household income.

If you struggle with this, find a mature woman (not always by age) to counsel you and pray with you about getting your heart aligned with God on all things financial.

- Fake orgasm.

I know you may think that you are helping his ego by faking orgasm, but you are harboring a lie in your marriage bed.  Be sexually vulnerable with him instead and show him how to sexually please you.  Your orgasm matters. God designed it and He wants you to experience it. Stop lying to him right there on your matrimonial bed. Read https://www.amaraofficial.com/2015/08/sex-more-than-skin-on-skin.html?m=1

-  Run to your family over little disagreements

If you still do this; you are not yet an adult.If ever there was a key ingredient to marital success, it has to be this-Leave and Cleave.

I'm not saying you don't need safe confidantes when things get rocky.  You just don't need those havens to be your family.  It is almost impossible for them to give you impartial advice. Look for a good Christian woman and make her your friend. 

- Say "no" to what are reasonable sexual requests.

Obviously, if he is requesting another woman join the two of you in bed, or that you watch porn with him, or that the two of you take up "swinging" with the neighbors, or anal sex, you definitely need to say "no."  Activities like this compromise the sacredness of marital sexual intimacy. You can also take him for MFM deliverance...LOL. BUT, if he is desiring sexual variety for which you have no biblical or reasonable justification to deny, then don't be so quick to say "no." Sex in a position other than missionary position?  Oral sex? Sex on the couch?  A quickie when he comes home for lunch? Take it easy with oral sex because of cancer of the throat. 

I beg you in. God's name, don't take " sister holiness" into your bedroom; even your bishop husband wants it in variety of ways. Give it to him anyhow he wants it as long as God is not displeased. 

- Never thank him for what he contributes to the life you share.

He serves you water while you eat; gets you napkins; sometimes fixes breakfast for you; goes in for grocery shopping for you on his way home; buys you a dress in your favourite colour; helps babysit while you are out with friends, you need to be thankful. 

Let us be wives with an authentic responsibility to help our husbands be the men God has called them to be.  Let's be all about building manhood, not destroying it. Many husbands are no longer husbands because the women in their lives have turned them to babies. A good number of men have stopped being men; they are now more of broken arrows. Let us do something to help our men get back on their feet. 

Letter to My Single Sisters

My Dear Sisters,

Some of you may not like me after reading this and some of you will get more confused afterwards as some will try to talk you out of it. But I just have to, as usual, be honest with you because that was my dad’s last word to me before he passed. 

You all know I care so much about you and desire the best for you. Like I always say, marriage is the most beautiful institution on earth. But you have to make sure that you are ready for it and that your would-be-spouse is ready for it. 

I get messages from you asking for prayers to be married or to link you up with a guy. Yes, there are guys waiting for me to matchmake them with a good woman, but it’s been difficult for me. 

Some of you need to take better care of yourselves. When I say ‘take better care of yourselves’, I am not talking about expensive clothes, body cream, and all that. I am talking about you being more in touch with yourself and the environment and using what you have to look good. You cannot be eating like there’s no tomorrow and expect to look good. Eat right. Your tummy cannot be like that and you see it as no big deal. That’s a turn-off for many. 

You cannot be drinking whatever you see and expect to look good. Some of you ask to know what I use on my skin, it’s the things that are available in my kitchen - coffee, honey, sugar, lemon/lime, egg, vinegar milk, chocolate, coconut oil, turmeric, tomatoes... I do not drink alcohol and rarely put soda drinks in my mouth. My drinks are water, coconut water, and freshly made juices and smoothies, and some of my colleagues at work laugh and make mockery of me for that. You can pour all the makeup on your skin but what makes you beautiful is your ability to step out of your home with no foundation on your skin and be admired. Spend more nourishing your skin from the inside out than on makeup. Left for me, makeup manufacturers will close business. 

You cannot be so bitter inside and expect to look good. Hatred, jealousy, and bitterness dry the bones, but a merry heart does good like medicine. You cannot live in unhealthy competition with others and hope to look good. You need to release yourself!

What about your friends? Show me your friends and I will tell you exactly who you are. It’s never wise to go in a chimney while you have white on. I love and care about everyone, but I choose my godly friends and they are just a few and mostly older and wiser than I am. My life is more peaceful that way. Being the face of every party in town and buying “asoebi” every weekend isn’t life. Maybe that’s what fills the empty void in those your friends; is that what will make you fulfilled? What’s your reason for having friends? If your friends don’t help your relationship with God and make you a better person, you don’t need them. 

How do you treat others? Being rude and arrogant does not make you westernized. Using all the ghetto and filthy words does not make you a superwoman. Insulting men all over social media makes you a fool. There is power in your gentility and femininity. You need to guard it with everything you have because that’s where your natural power is. Some of you have lost your glory of womanhood and I pray that God restores it to you. Make it a prayer point today. 

A little more education may help. I am not talking about you enrolling in school. I want you to self-educate yourself. I am not like this because I have a master’s degree; I am like this because I read a lot. Yes, readers are leaders. Instead of wasting your data reading gossip about others, spend it reading meaningful articles and finding answers to those questions you have. Instead of spending too much on some useless things, spend it on books. Brush yourself up; it’s very easy. 

Above all, beloved sisters, there’s something that only the person of the Holy Spirit can do in you. You cannot be that person you truly desire to be without Him. Stop allowing society ladies and celebrities fool you. A good number of them have no peace within. Stop being fooled by the edited pictures you see. Stop getting carried away by rented clothes they wear. Stop envying riches they get from prostitution, occultism, and adultery. Stop being carried away by things they buy with the last money in their bank account, ordinary people out there are often richer than they are. Seek peace with your inner man through the Holy Spirit. Spend time with God and you will see Him renew you daily. Be filled with the joy of the Lord. Be content with whatever you have today. 

Instead of spending time finding men, spend time finding favor with God and when that man finds you, he finds a good thing and obtains favor from God. 

I love you all 

Amara. 

Barren Relationships

BARREN RELATIONSHIPS..

That relationship that

makes you complain all the time, to the point that all your friends and family members know you for that;

makes you cry to sleep all the time because of what the person you are dating does to you and it thereby robs you of peace;

makes you afraid that you will get hurt or hurt yourself or come to sudden harm;

makes you feel depressed and suicidal for a very long time;

makes you compare yourself with other people and makes you push yourself to certain limits just to do things that will appeal to or pacify somebody all the time;

makes you keep adjusting and amending your lifestyle just to suit their fansies;

makes you keep seeking for advice and counsels about how to resolve different kinds of issues;

makes you come before God with guilt all the time and makes you look like a bad sheep before your family members;

is nothing but a barren relationship.

Do you still intend to keep working on it, hoping it will have a turn around and maybe get better?

Why didn't Jesus command that barren tree to bear fruits instead of laying a curse on it? Is it that he hadn't the power to do it? This is someone who made stones ooze out water and made a burning bush to stay unscathed. What will be hard to make a fruitless tree bear fruit? Instead he cursed it and the tree withered by the next day. As the Creator, He believed the tree has had its chance to yield fruit and has till that moment remained unfruitful. So He did away with it!!!

This is what you should do if you are in a fruitless relationship... Matt 3:10 "and now the axe is laid at the fruit of the tree. Any tree that does not bear fruit, is cut down and cast into the furnace."

I am not saying you should not give those relationships chance to get better. You can. But don't over pamper them. If they are just not working and you are getting overworked, instead of waiting for results that aren't forthcoming, TAKE IT DOWN AND WALK ON.

Domestic Violence: Proudly Take a Walk

I dedicate this to every strong woman who overcame. We are survivors! For those who are in it, you can choose to live for yourself and your children or go on pleasing the society and giving ears to religious creeds.

He had nothing when they got married. His first set of furniture was bought the week they got married.
Years later, God blessed them, money came.
She became the envy of other woman
She was admired by men, hated by fellow women
They saw the wealth, the beautiful rides in her garage, the designer clothes, shoes, and jewelry.
From one country to the other, she traveled, alone on holiday
To the world, she was having the best time of her life
Little did they know that she had no right to say no to his many beautiful gifts
To him, she was just a trophy, another property of the slave master.

She wore designer shades to church and other events
She wasn't being stylish; she was just covering her scars, the blood spot in her eyes
She loved to wear designer pants without showing off her beautiful legs
Religious folks called her a whore who would never dress like a married woman
She was only covering her scars
She was only telling the society what they want to hear.

Right in her matrimonial bedroom, the women entered
One after the other, married and unmarried
She had no voice, she couldn't shout as that meant days of battering and deprivation
She could only watch and clear up used condoms afterwards

She was dying
Society frowned at divorce
The church would make her a second class citizen and sentence her to eternal death in hell
Her fellow women who before now hated her are waiting to tear her apart
What would she do?
She was dying, drying up
There was no one to cry to
She had to go on as all she would be told was "it is well", "keep praying", "see war room movie"
Her children watched helplessly as their beloved mother daily got battered
They told her to run away
How could she? She loved her children

Alas! She's dead
Murdered in cold blood by the beast
The children are now motherless
The society she lived for now blame her for not running
The church that told her to stay doesn't even care about her children
The children are growing up with the memory that their mother was murdered by a man who should protect and fight for her
From one generation to another, the bitterness flows

Who will help the women?
Will God come down from heaven to do for us, that which He has given us power to do?
It's time to think
It's time to laugh at creeds
It's time to tread on taboos
It's time to stop lending ears to chauvinistic males
It's time to give your shoulder to other women
It's time to deliver yourself
Oh woman.

She Has Body Odor

Good evening, Madam.

Thanks for this great medium, you are touching people's lives through...

May God continue to bless you mightily, Amen.

Please, I need your advice & that of your good fans on the issue that is bothering me.

I'm a man of 39years & in a 6months relationship with a lady of 29years. We are graduates, Am working - a good job & she's currently a corps member. We love & trust each other, to the length that she even shared with me, her dirtiest secret of having dated a married man with children & I didn't use it against her.

Though, we've not had sex but we flow very well in communication & enjoy our company.

To be frank, I've found happiness & peace in her because of her character - She is sincere, open, real, practical, kind, respectful, loyal & appreciative.

Am intending to propose her after her National Youth service & marry her in December but I just discovered that she has body odour which is turning me off... Though, it's only when she does a hard work & sweat, you will perceive it badly.

Please, do we have remedies for body odour, to enable me help her get rid of it. Thanks for your time.

Dear Sender ,

Quite true; body odor is repulsive and frustrating. It is the bacteria on the skin which mixes with sweat that brings about the odor. When waste products of bacterial metabolism of keratin combines with sweat, it gives off a sulphuric smell as the odor. People with higher keratin secretion will produce more odor. 

Insufficient bathing or poor hygiene can lead to an unpleasant odor secreted by the apocrine glands, located in the underarms, genitals, and around the nipples, and the eccrine glands, found in the underarms, hands, and feet, when they interact with skin bacteria. The sebaceous glands, located in the scalp, face, and chest, produce oil, which has a light odor with or without bacteria. “If people have poor hygiene bacteria can build up on the skin and create more than just bad body odor,” Dr. Jennifer Burns, physician at The Bienetre Center in Phoenix, Ariz.

There are things she can do at home to tackle this

1. It’s best to splash apple cider vinegar under the arms when she gets out of the shower, but not immediately after she has shaved her underarms. This is safe for the skin as long as it’s unbroken. 
2. Baking soda does wonder when it comes to body odor. She should mix with lemon juice and water and apply before shower. 
3. Drinking green tea regularly will help her
4. Foods like orange, lemon, seafood, and yogurts will help 
5. She can mix mild quantity of hydrogen peroxide with bathing water, or drop a piece of alum in her water. 
6. Shave her underarm and genital hair 
7. Above all, maintaining a high level of hygiene is required. She should change her clothes and under garments often.

Encourage her to take these steps. I am happy to know that you want to help her rather than considering it as a reason to walk away. 

Domestic Violence

Good morning Ma, please i need your advice to guide my next step.
I got married to a young and beautiful lady.She is well behaved,a very good cook and very neat in all areas.
On my own part,i have temper issues which I've been trying so hard to fight,a lot of women have left me because of the anger issue.
My wife is emotionally strong, she doesn't allow certain things to bother her, she will never frown, she will never cry and she won't complain, she'll just keep silent and press the ignore button.
We got into an argument last year December,i got angry and slapped her, she didn't complain, she didn't cry, but later in the night, she just walked up to me and said that when next i lay my hands on her that she will leave,abort the fresh pregnancy and nothing will ever make her return, but i didn't understand the statement until the 2nd of this month,i got angry and slapped her, she still did not say anything,so later i apologized to her and she accepted. I left to my place of work the next day and on getting back,i couldn't find her and her bags, everything she came with even the things she bought in the marriage including combs,spoons,bed spread,brooms,buckets, she left with everything she bought with her money. I got confused and called her line but it was off,i called her elder sister and she said am talking rubbish,i called her brother and he said i must be joking that i should provide their sister.
So after much long story,i went to her parents and asked for forgiveness and i was told to bring my people, when we got there they said their daughter said that she can't continue with the marriage that i may kill her one day,so she better remain single and alive that she can't tolerate such from any man.
Like play like play,they said they want to return the bride price because they've talked to her and she refused. I cried,my parents begged her but she said never.
Please,help me because i can't let her go,no woman will take care of me the way she does.
Thanks you Ma.

Dear Sender,
I feel for you at this time and I hope God hears you. But I also want you to know that your wife is too precious to God that He will not allow her lose her life to a man that can not control his emotions.
Instead of asking for your wife to come back, I think you should focus more on working on yourself as her coming back won’t make you change. She is a good woman who has left you just like many other women did because they wouldn’t want to end up in the grave before time. Sign up for anger management classes with a counselor. Prayerfully work on yourself before asking her to come back. Who knows? God may work on her and she’ll come back to you, but you have to change first. I have seen people reunite after bride price is returned and divorce completed.
All you need now is that change that only the Holy Spirit can bring, plus anger management sessions. I wish I can talk to your wife, but it would be wicked of me to talk her into her death.

This is a big lesson for every violent man out there. Whether you abuse her physically or emotionally, a day will come that you’ll lose that woman. When a woman begins to act like there’s no problem, you no longer exist in her heart and that’s when you should be worried because it’s signifies the beginning of an end.
Repent today if you don’t want to lose that good woman. When she’s gone, only God can bring her back if it’s in His will. You can scream hell down and use all sorts of blackmail; she won’t look back.

Spirit Spouse: How Real is it?

SPIRITUAL SPOUSE: WHAT REALLY IS IT?

This is one of the hottest discusions in several religious circles, particularly christianity or rather christendom, traditional, and eastern religions.

There are three major opinions that exist around the issue.. 

It is real

It does not exist

Neutral about it and have nothing to say

As a believer, I also have an opinion and want to believe that my opinion is well backed by scriptures. There are certain conditions that people find themselves which make those that believe in it to suggest that such one has a spiritual spouse

-When you are unmarried till a very advanced age

-When you are unable to maintain one relationship all through life or you have multiple divorce cases

-When your relationship that should end in marriage suddenly crashes and it repeats itself

- When you are a victim of domestic violence and its termed that your spiritual spouse is trying to destroy your relationship or marriage.

- When as a woman, you experience miscarriages, still births, barreness, or you give birth to children with queer character

- When as a man, you have difficult financial situations, failure to maintain your role as head of the home, ill-luck in keeping a job, impotency, etc

- When as a woman, though married, you still attract a lot of men, or you are unmarried and only married men come around you and they usually demand sex...; the list is endless.

Don’t forget; as a believer, I have my own opinion too. 

It is in the bible that I see a woman who Jesus spoke with at a well. She has had six husbands and was living with the seventh. But to my amazement, Jesus didn't say she had a spiritual husband and then booked her for deliverance. He merely brought salvation to her and she was ok.

Still in the scriptures, Tamar had married the two sons of Judah who had died and she gave them no child. Yet when she disguised as a prostitute and Judah unknowingly slept with her, she bore him a child. She wasn't said to have had a spiritual husband.

Still in the bible, Jesus spoke about a woman who married seven brothers. Each of the men died one after the other and none had a child with her till she herself also died. I hoped to see where Jesus related it to a spiritual spouse case, but I saw none.

Still in the bible, Ruth and her sister married the two sons of Naomi who had died. One would have thought that these two ladies came with spirit husbands from their Canaanite home. Yet the same Ruth married Boaz and had children for him. She was David's great grandmother and Jesus came from her lineage.

We also see in the scriptures that many women including Sarah, Manoah's wife, Elizabeth, Hannah, Rachel, etc were barren for a long time till the Lord opened their womb. No spiritual husband mentioned.

And there are so many more. 

What I think is that the situation refered to as spirit spouse syndrome is just one of those earthly challenges that people experience. Some overcome it and some dont just as with every other human challenge. It's just like where one has looked for a job for years and finally gets one after years of believing he or she would.

I know there are cases of spirit-human sexual relationships reported in the bible, such as when angels came down from heaven and had sexual relations with the daughters of men, but those reports had it that the angels came in physical forms of men wheras the spiritual spouse case is a situation totally different in that the spouse is never seen but only believed to be very much in existence and in control.

I know many such people who were said to have spiritual spouses overcome that trend to the chagrin of those that say they have spiritual spouse.

Late marriage, barreness and all those cases usually refered to as spiritual spouse bound, are mere human challenges.

I also know that the forces of darkness is responsible for a good number of human challenges, just as the ones Jesus dealt with directly and that is why Paul told us that we wrestle not with flesh and blood but with spiritual wickedness...and these situations can be dealt with through simple prayers, sometimes fasting, positive confessions, and faith in the word of God. But the spirit-spouse syndrome is a barbaric allusion that is deeply rooted  in ignorance and superstition. 

Many people have, out of fear, been defrauded, sexually molested and even used as sex slaves in the pursuit of ending such cases believed to be spirit-spouse syndrome in so-called deliverance and prayer houses. Many marriages have even been totally shattered through such deliverance ministrations.

What do you think dear reader? Don’t tel me what your prayer contractors said; tell me what the Bible says. 

Married Women and Sex

Dear Men,

It is not enough to just complain about your wife denying you sex or not showing any attraction to you during sexual intercourse. 

Inasmuch as I am against that, I want to ask you a question- Have you tried to find out the actual reason for that? 

Women are very emotional beings and from my experience in counseling, I can authoritatively tell you that a good number of women are dying in silence. Now, don’t tell me that you are the best thing to ever happen to your wife because it’s possible I have your name in my inbox from your wife and she has a lot to lament on. 

What is your relationship like? Are you one of those men who believe that the women should have no sexual feeling? Are you one of those ignorant men who believe that sex for her should be for procreation only? Are you one of those who believe that if a woman asks for some good sex styles, she’s demon-possessed or seeing another man outside? Do you believe that since she’s not giving you sex, her heart is somewhere else? You need to get out of that mindset. 

Let me tell you some of the reasons why she is withdrawn 

1. No Intimacy: If all you do is bang and release with no consideration of her own feelings and satisfaction, you will lose her with time. She’ll get to that point where she sees sex with you as nothing but hard work. At this point, she begins to have sex with you because it’s her duty as your wife and not because she enjoys it. If you have the money, take her to a serene place and have a heart to heart talk with her. I’m sure if the two of you spend some time away from your children and family, some spark will come back into your marriage (if other areas are taken care of).

2. No Love Shown: The atmosphere you want at dusk is created at dawn, is a popular saying. You cannot be slave master in the day only to turn around and become a lover-boy during sex. You cannot talk to her like a piece of wood without feelings and expect her to be a woman with feelings. The woman you will have at night is made during the day. 

3. Stress: Gone are the days when women were made to sit at home as full time housewives; even full-time housewives and moms have their plate full on daily basis. We have more women in the workforce than it used to be. Your wife goes to work just like you and she goes through the same kind of stress you go through at work. But on getting home, you cross your legs in front of television and even though you got home before her, she has to come back and serve the master without you doing anything to help ease her stress. She stays on her feet from the moment she gets home until bedtime when nature calls and her entire body is weak. How do you expect this woman to be your “Sharon  Stone” in bed? It’s impossible sir. If you love her, you will do everything you can to make things less stressful for her. Being a good cook, I feed my family well and I encourage every woman to be the main chef in her home, but real men still go to the kitchen to fix meals for their family; my dad did that for us once every week. He thought me how to make the popular Edikaikong soup. You can fix your wife dinner. Even if you don’t know how to cook, just make it fun. 

4. Criticism: What words do you put in her ears? She cannot be free with you if all you do is criticize and put her down. You can’t call her fat, ugly, local, backward, and the likes all day and then turn around to savor her body at night. She’s troubled by your negative words to her and until you fix that, nothing will change sexually.

5. Some women lose interest in sex as a result of childbirth. She can’t really control it. Encourage her to eat more of foods that will help her sex life. Others have ears to those old-wives-tale about sex being demonic, bla-bla-bla, and so they go into marriage with that mindset, afraid of sex. Counseling and therapy will help as well.